Forgivers & Lovers in Lasting Marriage (IV)

Fore-Give Before You Forgive

Consider the word forgiveness, as a fore-giving. This means forgiveness is something you give in advance. Do not wait for your spouse to hurt you so badly before you consider the thought of forgiveness for what might hurt you the most that they may do. Forgiveness is better achieved wen you think of it in terms of giving. When you forgive, you give something. You give grace, you give mercy, you give love, you give healing and you give restoration. You cannot give what you do not have. So, if your forgiveness tank is low, you have only that much to draw from. This is why every Christian spouse must maintain a daily buoyant spiritual life. You need much grace to give of that grace. Better still, you need an awareness of the abundance of the grace, mercy, love, and restoration you have received in order to give the same to anyone in that moment. This is why waiting till you are hurt before you know whether or not you will practice forgiveness or vengeance and retaliation is too late. You forgive based on who you are and what you have to offer. Most marriages fail because the tanks of the two people involved is so low of these things that they do not have to share and to give. It is not really the nature of the offence, but the level of their fore-give-ness; that is, that which they possess in abundance out of which they need to draw in this time of need.

How to Gauge Your Fore-Give-ness Tank

1. Examine Your Faith Level

Are you a believing believer? You must constantly check to make sure that faith dally comes in your heart. The Bible says that faith comes by hearing and hearing the Word of God. Feed your faith not your fear. Unfortunately, many feed their fear by watching movies that give them the picture of marriage they do not plan to have. They read books that set unrealistic expectations of marriage. They replay the picture of the marriage they grew up to know in their heads more than they picture the marriage between Christ and the Church. Faith is the shield that can also protect your spouse from erring in ways that might be too much for you to handle. Fear, anxiety, and panic cannot withstand a standing faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

2. Examine Your Love Level

Do your best to nurture your love for your spouse. Profess your love for one another and do things together that grow your passion for each other. When that attraction and spark is running low, you need to set it ablaze again. Do it quickly, do it often. When offences happen during the time your love level is low, you will struggle a lot to forgive because your fore-giving of love is low. This is why you must invest in loving memories that you share together. Sometimes, the offence that comes is a symptom of a low love level, and it is not the real issue itself. A high voltage passion will ensure that the light of love never runs dim, it glows in its full currents.

3. Examine Your Appreciation Level

One of the signs of the perilous times is that people will become ungrateful. Spouses must continue to have reasons for which they are grateful to God for making them end up with their partners. They must also continue to grow in their sense of gratitude for several things in their partner. Be grateful that it is this one and not the other woman or man that you almost ended up with. Be grateful also that they love you and did some kind things in your life that you may not have been so blessed to have. This constant attitude prepares you for forgiveness. The moment there is nothing to appreciate in your spouse, any offence will be a big offence. Appreciate their look, their bodies, their ability to raise your children in godly ways, their ability to cook, their ability to be simple and not overtly demanding, their love for God, their friendliness with your friends, their sexual faithfulness to you. There are a million other things for which you may continue to appreciate your spouse, even when some may be lacking in some things. Go ahead now and make your list.

These may become the reasons for which you forgive when offence comes up. The reason God gave His only begotten Son for a sinful world, is because He so loved the world. There is always going to be a reason to give grace, love, mercy, restoration and of yourself in forgiveness for any hurt.

Profile of the Writer

Felix Bamirin is Pastor of Graceway Church, Texas, USA and the author of Marriage on a Mission, Forgiving Forward, The Ultimate Treasure, and Mastering Negative Emotions.